If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111. For free 24/7 support in New Zealand, call or text 1737.
Grief is not a neat, manageable process. It is one of the most intense experiences a person can go through — and sometimes it feels completely unbearable. If that is where you are right now, this guide is for you.
Feeling overwhelmed by grief is not a sign that something has gone wrong. It is a sign that you loved someone, and that they mattered.
What is normal in grief
Grief can look like sadness, anger, numbness, guilt, relief, confusion, physical exhaustion, or moments of unexpected laughter. Sleep may be disrupted. Appetite may disappear. Concentration may be impossible. All of these are normal responses to loss. They do not mean you are broken.
When grief may need extra support
Consider reaching out to your GP or a counsellor if you notice:
- Thoughts of harming yourself or not wanting to be alive
- Grief that is as intense after many months as it was on the first day
- Being unable to function day to day — to work, eat, sleep, or care for yourself
- Using alcohol or substances to cope
- Complete isolation from everyone around you
- A persistent sense that life has no point
If you are having thoughts of suicide right now
Please reach out immediately. Call or text 1737 — free, 24/7, trained counsellors. Or call 111 if you are in immediate danger. You do not have to be in crisis to call — you can call because today is too hard.
Small things that may help right now
- Drink water and eat something small
- Text one person — you do not need to explain everything
- Step outside for a few minutes
- Call or text 1737
- Make a GP appointment and tell them grief is affecting your ability to function
- Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling — grief does not need to be managed
Where to get support in New Zealand
- 1737 — call or text, free, 24/7
- Lifeline — 0800 543 354
- The Grief Centre — 0800 331 333 — griefcentre.org.nz
- Skylight — 0800 299 100 — skylight.org.nz
- Victim Support (sudden or traumatic death) — 0800 842 846
- Mental Health Foundation NZ — mentalhealth.org.nz
Related guides: Grief After a Death | Grief Journal Prompts | Browse all guides
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111. Free 24/7 support: call or text 1737.
Disclaimer: General information only. Does not replace professional mental health support. If you are in crisis, please call 111 or 1737 immediately.