What to Do After Someone Dies
A gentle, step-by-step guide for whānau in Aotearoa New Zealand. You do not need to figure this out alone, and you do not need to do everything at once.
This guide is written for people who have just lost someone, or who are in the early stages of bereavement. Take it one section at a time. Nothing here is urgent except your wellbeing. You are allowed to go slowly.
The first hours after a death
The first hours can feel surreal, overwhelming, or completely numb. There are a small number of things that need to happen, but most things can wait. Focus only on what is in front of you right now.
If the death was unexpected or unattended, call 111. A doctor must confirm and certify the death. If the person was in hospital or hospice, staff will guide you through next steps.
You do not need to call immediately. The body can remain at home if that is your wish — many whānau choose this. When you are ready, a funeral director will help with collection, documentation, and next steps. You have the right to take your time.
You do not have to contact everyone yourself. Ask one trusted person to help you make calls. You are allowed to take time before telling the wider world.
Shock affects your nervous system, appetite, and ability to think. Try to eat something small, drink water, and sit with someone you trust if you can.
If the death was sudden, traumatic, or by suicide: Victim Support (0800 842 846) provides 24/7 help for people bereaved by sudden death or suicide. You do not need to have been a victim of crime to contact them.
The first few days
There are some practical things that need attention in the first days, but most can wait. Delegate where you can, and do not try to do everything yourself.
A death must be registered with Births, Deaths and Marriages (BDM) within three working days of a medical certificate being issued. Your funeral director will usually do this on your behalf. If arranging yourself, visit bdm.govt.nz.
You will need certified copies for banks, insurance, IRD, WINZ, and other organisations. Request several copies when registering — it is easier to have too many than too few.
Your funeral director will guide you through options for burial, cremation, tangi, service, timing, and costs. Take your time, ask questions, and have a support person with you if you can.
If the person had a will, find it as soon as possible. It names an executor responsible for carrying out their wishes. If there is no will, a lawyer can advise on New Zealand’s intestacy rules.
If the deceased received benefits, notify WINZ. You may also be eligible for the Bereavement Support Payment. Contact workandincome.govt.nz or call 0800 559 009.
IRD, banks, the person’s employer, ACC, KiwiSaver provider, and insurers all need to be notified. Work through this list at your own pace, or ask a trusted person to help.
The first weeks
After the funeral, things often go very quiet. Many people say the weeks after the funeral are among the hardest — the visitors stop coming, life appears to resume, and grief can deepen. This is normal.
Grief is exhausting. Sleeping more than usual, struggling to concentrate, or feeling physically unwell are all common responses. Rest is not weakness — it is necessary.
When someone offers something specific — a meal, a drive, company for a walk — say yes if you can. You do not need to be managing everything alone.
If grief is affecting your sleep, appetite, or daily function, your GP is a good first port of call. They can refer you to funded grief counselling and check on your physical health.
In New Zealand, employees are entitled to bereavement leave — three days for the death of a close family member, one day for others. Talk to your employer early. There is no obligation to return before you are ready.
A note on grief and time: There is no point at which you are expected to be “over it.” Seeking support weeks or months after a death is not a sign of struggling — it is a sign that you are human.
The first months and beyond
Grief in the months after a death can be unpredictable. You may feel you are coping, then be completely undone by a song, a smell, or an ordinary Tuesday. This is not a setback — it is grief.
The first birthday, anniversary, or Christmas without someone is often very hard. Plan ahead for these days — decide whether you want company or solitude, create a small ritual, or simply allow yourself to feel whatever comes.
Grief counselling can be helpful at any point. Your GP can refer you, or contact The Grief Centre or Skylight directly.
Living with loss means carrying the person with you — not leaving them behind. Give yourself permission to find your own way through, in your own time.
Practical and legal checklist
A summary of the practical steps most whānau will need to take after a death in New Zealand. Not all will apply to every situation.
Getting support for yourself
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Getting support for yourself — however that looks — is one of the most important things you can do after a loss.
Grief support services in New Zealand:
The Grief Centre — 0800 331 333 → Skylight — 0800 299 100 → Victim Support (sudden death & suicide bereavement) — 0800 842 846 → After a Suicide NZ → Whetūrangitia (pregnancy & infant loss) →Free 24/7 support: Call or text 1737 to speak with a trained counsellor at no cost. You do not need to be in crisis. You can call just because you are having a hard day.
If you are in crisis right now
Call 111 if you or someone else is in immediate danger.
Call or text 1737 for free 24/7 counselling support.
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 — Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865
You have been through something enormous. Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with someone you love. There is no right way to grieve, and no timeline you are expected to follow.
Disclaimer: This guide provides general information for people in Aotearoa New Zealand. It does not constitute legal, financial or medical advice. Please contact a lawyer, financial adviser or your GP if you need professional support.