If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111. For free 24/7 support, call or text 1737.
“Let me know if you need anything” is one of the most common things people say to someone grieving. It comes from a good place — but it puts the work back on the person least able to do it. Grieving people often cannot identify what they need, and asking for help can feel impossible. Here is how to offer real help instead.
Why vague offers are hard for grieving people
When you are deep in grief, making decisions is exhausting. Being asked to identify what you need and then ask for it takes energy that is simply not there. A vague offer, no matter how kindly meant, often results in nothing happening at all.
Specific help ideas
Food: “I’m making a lasagne tonight — can I drop one off?” or “I’m going to the supermarket. Can I grab a few things for you?”
Admin and paperwork: “Can I help you make any phone calls this week?” or “Would it help if I sat with you while you go through some of the paperwork?”
Childcare: “Can I pick up the kids on Thursday so you have a few hours?”
Transport: “I can drive you to the appointment if that would help.”
Company: “I’m going for a walk on Saturday morning. Would you like to come, or would you rather I just came and sat with you?”
Text message templates
- “I’m dropping dinner off at 6pm tonight — no need to do anything, I’ll leave it at the door.”
- “I’m free Thursday afternoon if you need a hand with anything. No pressure.”
- “Thinking of you today. No need to reply.”
Read more: What to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving | How to Support a Grieving Friend | Browse all guides
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111. For free 24/7 support, call or text 1737.