If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111. For free 24/7 support, call or text 1737.
Grief is not what most people expect it to be. Here are some things that are hard to explain to people who have not been through it — written in the hope that it might help someone feel less alone, or help someone else understand.
Grief can come in waves
It is not a steady downward slope or a neat upward climb. It comes in waves. You can be okay, and then a song, a smell, a Tuesday afternoon can bring it rushing back. The waves do not mean something has gone wrong. They are just grief doing what grief does.
People may look okay and not be okay
Functioning — going to work, answering messages, making dinner — does not mean someone is okay. Grief gets carried quietly in a lot of people. The question “how are you doing?” with a genuine pause to wait for the answer matters more than it looks.
The second month can be harder than the first
In the first days and weeks, there is often a flurry of activity and support. Then it stops. The world resumes. And the loss is still there, but the scaffolding around it has gone. Many people find the weeks after the funeral among the hardest.
There is no timeline
There is no point at which someone is expected to be “over it.” Grief does not disappear — it changes shape. Being patient with someone who is still grieving months or years later is not indulging them. It is just understanding how grief works.
Read more: When Grief Feels Overwhelming | Grief After a Death | Browse all guides
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111. For free 24/7 support, call or text 1737.