If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111. For free 24/7 support, call or text 1737.
Most people who want to support someone grieving are well-meaning. But sometimes the words we reach for can land badly, even when we mean well. This guide is not about blame. It is about helping you find kinder, more useful things to say.
Phrases that often hurt, even when meant kindly
“At least…” — These phrases redirect someone away from their loss before they are ready. Try instead: “I’m so sorry. There are no words for this.”
“Everything happens for a reason” — This can feel like their pain is being minimised. Try instead: “I can’t imagine how hard this is. I’m here.”
“They’re in a better place” — Not everyone shares the same beliefs. The person they loved is gone, and that is where the pain lives. Try instead: “I remember them. They mattered.”
“I know how you feel” — Grief is personal. This can shift focus to your own experience. Try instead: “I can’t fully understand, but I’m here with you.”
“You need to stay strong” — Grief is not weakness. Try instead: “You don’t have to hold it together. I’m here.”
“Let me know if you need anything” — Grieving people often cannot identify what they need. Try instead: “I’m bringing dinner on Wednesday. Is 6pm okay?”
How to listen without trying to fix things
Grief cannot be fixed with words. What most grieving people need is to feel heard. Sit with the silence. Let them cry without rushing to reassure them. Ask: “Tell me about them.” Or: “What do you miss most?”
Read more: What to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving | Browse all guides
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111. For free 24/7 support, call or text 1737.