How to Support a Grieving Friend
Practical, caring ways to be there for someone who is grieving — from the first days through the months that follow.
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111. For free 24/7 support in New Zealand, call or text 1737.
The most important thing you can do
Show up. Not once, not perfectly — just consistently. Most people find that friends and family disappear after the first couple of weeks. Being the person who does not disappear is one of the most powerful things you can do.
Showing up imperfectly is far better than not showing up at all.
Practical things that help
Bring food. A meal, a grocery drop, a coffee. The logistics of feeding yourself become overwhelming when you are grieving. Be specific and just do it — do not ask.
Help with practical tasks. Calls, paperwork, school pick-ups, laundry. Ask what would help today, then follow through.
Sit with them. Sometimes presence is what is needed. Come over, sit quietly, or just be in the same room.
Text without expectation. “Thinking of you today — no need to reply.” This removes the burden of response while making them feel remembered.
Go for a walk together. Side by side can make it easier to talk than face to face.
Keep showing up in the months after
Grief does not end after the funeral. Keep checking in. Send a message weeks later. Remember the first birthday, Christmas, and the anniversary of the death. Say the name of the person who died. Ask how they are being remembered, not just how your friend is coping.
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone through grief is emotionally tiring. You may be grieving too. Talk to someone. Rest. Your job is not to fix anyone’s grief — it is just to stay present. Read more in our guide: What to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving.
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111.
Free 24/7 support: call or text 1737 — Lifeline: 0800 543 354
Disclaimer: General information only. Does not replace professional support. If in crisis, call 111 or 1737.