What is “normal” grief?

Grief is not a neat, manageable process. It is one of the most intense emotional experiences a human being goes through, and it can feel completely overwhelming — especially in the early days and weeks after a loss.

Normal grief includes: deep sadness, crying, numbness, anger, guilt, exhaustion, difficulty concentrating, disrupted sleep, changes in appetite, and moments of feeling unable to function. All of these are expected responses to a real loss. They do not mean something has gone wrong.

Feeling overwhelmed by grief is not a sign that you are broken. It is a sign that you loved someone, and that they mattered.

Most people, with time and support, find that grief becomes less constant. It does not disappear — but it changes shape. The waves become less frequent, even if they remain intense.

Signs you may need extra support

Grief is not a mental illness, and most people do not need professional intervention. But there are specific signs that suggest you need more support than you are currently getting. If you recognise several of these, please reach out to your GP or one of the services listed below.

Complicated grief

Sometimes grief does not follow the expected path. Complicated grief — also called prolonged grief disorder — is grief that remains intensely disabling for an extended period, without any signs of easing. It is more common after sudden, traumatic, or unexpected deaths, and after deaths by suicide.

Complicated grief is a recognised condition that responds well to specialist therapeutic support. If you think you may be experiencing it, your GP is the best starting point. They can refer you to appropriate support.

What to do right now

Finding support in New Zealand

← Return to Grief Support NZ resources