When someone dies, the world keeps asking you to make decisions. People want answers. Phones ring. Forms need signing. And you are standing in the middle of it all, still trying to understand that this has actually happened.

This guide is not about doing everything right. There is no right. It is about helping you find the next small step — and only the next one — on one of the hardest days of your life.

In the very first moments

If someone has died at home and the death was unexpected — or if you are not sure whether they have died — call 111. An ambulance will attend, and a doctor or coroner will be notified if needed.

If the person died in a hospital, rest home, or hospice, staff will guide you through what happens next. You do not need to know the process. Ask the staff to explain each step before it happens.

You do not need to call a funeral director immediately

In New Zealand, there is no legal requirement to contact a funeral director the moment someone dies. The body can remain at home for a period of time. Many whānau choose to keep their person close — sometimes for a day or two, sometimes longer — before calling anyone.

You have the right to take your time. There is no rushing required.

When you are ready to contact a funeral director, they will take care of the collection of the body and begin helping you plan the service or tangi. You do not need to have any of this figured out before you call.

The first few hours: what actually needs to happen

Very little needs to happen immediately. Here is what does:

1. A doctor must certify the death. This happens automatically if the person was in hospital. If they died at home under the care of a GP or hospice, a doctor will come to certify. If the death was sudden or unexplained, the coroner may be involved — this is routine and does not mean anything is wrong.

2. Let one or two close people know. You do not need to tell everyone. Choose one trusted person and ask them to help. They can make calls, sit with you, or simply be present. You are not expected to manage this alone.

3. Eat something small. Drink water. This sounds too simple to mention, but shock depletes the body quickly. Even a few crackers and a glass of water will help. Ask someone to bring you something if you cannot make it yourself.

What about the next 24–48 hours?

In the day or two after a death, there are a small number of things that need to be set in motion — but none of them need to happen in the first hour.

Registering the death. A death in New Zealand must be registered with Births, Deaths and Marriages (BDM) within three working days of a death certificate being issued. Your funeral director will usually handle this on your behalf. If you are arranging things yourself, visit bdm.govt.nz.

Obtaining death certificates. You will need several certified copies of the death certificate — for banks, insurance companies, IRD, WINZ, and other organisations. Ask for more than you think you will need. Ordering additional copies later takes time and costs money.

Beginning funeral arrangements. A funeral director will walk you through options for burial or cremation, the service, timing, and costs. You do not need to decide everything at once. Most funeral directors are gentle and experienced at working with people in shock — take someone with you to help you remember what was said.

Things that can wait

In the first 48 hours, many things can — and should — wait. You do not need to:

Notify every person who knew the deceased. Tell close family and let word spread in its own time. • Write or publish a death notice immediately. • Sort through belongings, clothes, or their room. • Make any big decisions about property, finances, or the future. • Reply to every message you receive. • Know what you are feeling or be able to explain it.

Give yourself permission to do only the next necessary thing. Everything else can wait.

Looking after yourself right now

Grief in the first hours and days can feel like shock, numbness, disbelief, or a strange calmness. It can also feel like falling apart entirely. All of these are normal responses to something that is not normal at all.

Try to have someone with you if you can. If you are alone and struggling, call or text 1737 — it is free, 24/7, and you do not need to be in crisis to call. You can call because you are having a hard day, because you have just lost someone, or because you simply need to hear a human voice.